And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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