There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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