I love black thongs
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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