I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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