This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
