I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
