I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
