it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
