I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
