Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
