I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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