my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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