that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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