believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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