i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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