The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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