bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
