Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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