I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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