I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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