a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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