Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
