i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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