My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
