I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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