just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
