The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
