I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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