she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
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don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
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She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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