her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
