Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
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He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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