i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
