the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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