I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
