I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
