I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
