yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
