I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
