She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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