ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
