covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
