I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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