My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
