I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
