so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
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The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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