and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
