it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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