its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
