I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
