i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
