im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
