That's intense
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
