Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
