I want to stick my p in your. b.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
