I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
