Can i not drive my cunt home
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
