I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
